For more than a month now, I have been trying to contact someone from Cendant Corporation concerning my stay at a Ramada Inn in July. So far, the only response I have received is a form letter from someone claiming to be Judy Fairchild, E-mail Administrator. I have kindly included a copy of my original correspondence, and I am confident that once you read it, you will see the seriousness of this issue and act on it at once.

I tried to send an email to the contact person you have listed on your website, but the email bounced back, saying “Unknown Recipient.” You may want to look into that. Thanks in advance for your prompt reply,

Brown Magic


Dear Lords of Lodging,

I wanted to write you a note to let you know how much I enjoyed staying in one of your find hotels from July 1-5, 1999. The service was exquisite, the prices reasonable, and insect infestations were at a minimum. I spend about 10 months out of every year staying in hotels and motels in my journeys around the country, but last week was the first time I had the opportunity to stay in one of your fine hotels.

While it’s true that I enjoyed my stay, I was curious about something: I noticed that there was a copy of the Gideon Bible in the nightstand. While I certainly believe in freedom of religion, and would never force my beliefs on others, it’s important that you understand that I am the Oracle of the Light of the Chosen One, and shortly I will assume my rightful throne in Heaven. I’m sure you would like your guests to go to Heaven when they die, so they need to understand that they must become my followers if this is to be.

I think it would help save the souls of millions of people a year if your hotel chains would remove the Gideon Bibles and replace them with the Book of the Righteously Divine Follower of the Chosen. These books are available for a nominal fee, also at the address below. I implore you to think about the souls of your customers, and your employees at once. I think you will agree that this is very important to all concerned, so I will expect your order shortly.

Yours In Holiness,

Brown Magic
PS: Please send me a Ramada Inn keychain

Sombody needs to not use “Reply All”!

Judy: I’m the PR Manager for Ramada in Parsippany and I just received the below e-mail to handle. Can you e-mail everything you have received from this nut-case to date. Thanks,


I was forwarded your e-mail requesting that the Ramada chain purchase your divine scriptures to ensure the “lodging” of its guests in the after-life. Unfortunately, as a franchise organization, each property is individually owned and operated and purchasing decisions (particularly insurance) is made at the property level. All sales-related requests should therefore be directed to the property and not the corporate office.Thank you.

Ramada Public Relations